Waking up to the beautiful sun shining
through my window pane
I sit up and reflect on what has become of me.
All that I was,
All that I am,
All that I will become.
All my experiences contribute to where I am now.
Things happen for a reason.
I put my trust in the universe.
Today I choose to organize my life in the best way possible.
Today I choose to prioritize.
Today I choose to get rid of unnecessary baggage and keep the ones that really should matter.
Life can be unfair, but realize it was just a blessing in disguise.
Life finds a way of opening doors for me when others closes.
Life has a way of showing me that there is more to life than being what I always were.
What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger.
I need to feel free again.
Even though, my spirits isn't quite uplifted yet.
Today I choose to do the best I can.
That's all I can do.
Because I believe there is so much out there this beautiful world can offer me, a beautiful soulful life of love.
At this moment in time this is the best place I could ever be.
This is a spiritual beginning once again, inspired to make art day and night.
Surround myself with positive energy and spiritual beings.
"Look at all things with hope, because in the end, that is all you'll have to look forward to."
"There is no rise without a fall.
Everything that has happened to my life, good and bad, is always a step higher to something better. I went through a lot, and still going through a lot right now. But I have faith that it's all the experiences that changes me will make me into the best person I can be. I've learned that what I want is not what I always need at this time. No matter what situation I am in, no situation stays stagnant. We are always moving up and moving to bigger and better things spiritually. I wonder how I'll feel when I get to where I really want to be. Maybe by then, I won't even care that I'm there, but the journey, the lessons that I learned along the way will be more worth it. It'll be a significant turning point in my life. And I'll be happy in the end, knowing I survived and went through it.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
.......eh
Can't sleep, been catching up with drama tv shows all night. Been wanting to cry, time of the month where I'm just so emotional for no reason. It was good to let it out. I need it from time to time.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
....getting back to SF
I was really happy to be back in San Francisco because I couldn't wait to see all my familia and friends! I had work the following day after getting back to SF.
The day I went to work was so fucked up. I got laid off after returning back from my beautiful, restful, and wonderful vacation. I worked for them all through the holidays. During the talk with my manager, he then informed me that they sent me severance pay with my last paycheck 01/08/2009. But I wasn't informed I was laid off at the time and spent the last of my mula in Hawaii, thinking I still had a job to come back to. I wasn't even aware that they would be laying off people at all. It was all of a sudden and a shock. It was a weird feeling. I was in shock and didn't process the information all at first. Then the next day, realized I had no money at all and started to cry and feel sorry for myself. Thinking to myself, how am I gonna pay for rent and for food to eat. Ahhhhh!!!!
I'm gonna have to ask for a new severance pay because the way they laid me off was unprofessional.
Anyways, that night ate with friends @ Benihana, had a little bit of mula left for one last grand dinner.
The next following day I got into a car accident! To make matters more worst........what is happening?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! =/
Things right now in my life are so confusing and up in the air. I feel sort of lost but trying to look at the brighter side of things and know that things are always going up and down all the time.
"When you get through whatever it is you are going through, you are going to be much better off. You will have firsthand knowledge of what works for you and what does not. You will have a new assessment of your strengths and capabilities. You will have greater insights about the people in your life. Perhaps you will have trimmed away some fluff, released some unnecessary baggage. In the midst of a challenge, our eyes are opened, our minds blown to new levels of awareness. When you get through this, you are going to be something else.....a better, stronger you!"
I just have to keep reminding myself: "Just another growth experience, blessing me today."
Ever since this whole nightmare started. My friends around me have been so helpful, understanding, and supportive. I am totally blessed with compassionate and beautiful souls around me. And I'm very appreciative of those who have offered their help to me. And those who are there for me right now when I need help the most. Thanks again!
I start first day back of spring sem 2009 at SFAI today. I am determined to make the best art ever than I have before because I'm such at the bottom point of my life right now. I need some outlet. I need to express how I'm feeling. My heart can't take this pain right now. =/ I want to smile again.
The day I went to work was so fucked up. I got laid off after returning back from my beautiful, restful, and wonderful vacation. I worked for them all through the holidays. During the talk with my manager, he then informed me that they sent me severance pay with my last paycheck 01/08/2009. But I wasn't informed I was laid off at the time and spent the last of my mula in Hawaii, thinking I still had a job to come back to. I wasn't even aware that they would be laying off people at all. It was all of a sudden and a shock. It was a weird feeling. I was in shock and didn't process the information all at first. Then the next day, realized I had no money at all and started to cry and feel sorry for myself. Thinking to myself, how am I gonna pay for rent and for food to eat. Ahhhhh!!!!
I'm gonna have to ask for a new severance pay because the way they laid me off was unprofessional.
Anyways, that night ate with friends @ Benihana, had a little bit of mula left for one last grand dinner.
The next following day I got into a car accident! To make matters more worst........what is happening?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! =/
Things right now in my life are so confusing and up in the air. I feel sort of lost but trying to look at the brighter side of things and know that things are always going up and down all the time.
"When you get through whatever it is you are going through, you are going to be much better off. You will have firsthand knowledge of what works for you and what does not. You will have a new assessment of your strengths and capabilities. You will have greater insights about the people in your life. Perhaps you will have trimmed away some fluff, released some unnecessary baggage. In the midst of a challenge, our eyes are opened, our minds blown to new levels of awareness. When you get through this, you are going to be something else.....a better, stronger you!"
I just have to keep reminding myself: "Just another growth experience, blessing me today."
Ever since this whole nightmare started. My friends around me have been so helpful, understanding, and supportive. I am totally blessed with compassionate and beautiful souls around me. And I'm very appreciative of those who have offered their help to me. And those who are there for me right now when I need help the most. Thanks again!
I start first day back of spring sem 2009 at SFAI today. I am determined to make the best art ever than I have before because I'm such at the bottom point of my life right now. I need some outlet. I need to express how I'm feeling. My heart can't take this pain right now. =/ I want to smile again.
.......biggest nightmare
Arrived at the big island, Hilo at night w/ Go! airlines. Go! is the worst airline to ever book a flight with. Never again. Anyways, Ken arrives and picks us up. We then head over to his house, and I'm surprised about how dirty his place his. He didn't even have clean sheets for us to sleep on. He didn't welcome us well. He was nice but his hospitality was weird. He also had three children living with him. And his house was a tree house in the rain forest. That part was cool, but his place wasn't at all clean at all in any way.
We slept on a dirty futon w/ a hole in the middle of it w/ dirty sheets as well in an attic. There was spider webs, bugs, and mosquitos everywhere. I didn't sleep at all that night and was awaiting for the new day to arrive. We wanted to get out of that island as soon as we could. We went to a laundry place in Pahua. Then Ken, drives us back to the airport. We then booked a flight to Maui that same day with Island Air. Then we rented a tight-ass jeep w/ Alamo at the Maui airport and headed to a remote cabin lodge in the middle of nowhere in Hali'imaile Rd, called "Hali'imaile Peace of Maui," to stay the night. It was a great decision on our parts.
Wake up from a beautiful sleep then go grocery shopping at Kmart. Then after wards, we do a road trip around the west coast of Maui. We walk along the Wailea nature trail and chilled along the beaches. We also sighted some humpback whales. It was mating season and birthing season for the whales. So beautiful. It was so chill! Just what we needed after the nightmare in big island. Then we sleep in the jeep that night near the beach, across from "Haleakala Shores."
Almost missed my plane back to San Francisco. I was literally running and sweating getting to the gate. I was actually last one on the plane and made the plane delay lift off time. Anyways, a real good movie was playing, "The Duchess" (of Devonshire) w/ Keira Knightley playing the main character. I was so emotional. I cried so much like a wreck. The movie made me think. I really loved the characters of Charles Grey and Georgina. Charles Grey was deeply in love with Georgina. He cared about her well being most of all. He only wanted her to be with him and they live happily ever after. It was a beautiful and tragic story.
We slept on a dirty futon w/ a hole in the middle of it w/ dirty sheets as well in an attic. There was spider webs, bugs, and mosquitos everywhere. I didn't sleep at all that night and was awaiting for the new day to arrive. We wanted to get out of that island as soon as we could. We went to a laundry place in Pahua. Then Ken, drives us back to the airport. We then booked a flight to Maui that same day with Island Air. Then we rented a tight-ass jeep w/ Alamo at the Maui airport and headed to a remote cabin lodge in the middle of nowhere in Hali'imaile Rd, called "Hali'imaile Peace of Maui," to stay the night. It was a great decision on our parts.
Wake up from a beautiful sleep then go grocery shopping at Kmart. Then after wards, we do a road trip around the west coast of Maui. We walk along the Wailea nature trail and chilled along the beaches. We also sighted some humpback whales. It was mating season and birthing season for the whales. So beautiful. It was so chill! Just what we needed after the nightmare in big island. Then we sleep in the jeep that night near the beach, across from "Haleakala Shores."
Almost missed my plane back to San Francisco. I was literally running and sweating getting to the gate. I was actually last one on the plane and made the plane delay lift off time. Anyways, a real good movie was playing, "The Duchess" (of Devonshire) w/ Keira Knightley playing the main character. I was so emotional. I cried so much like a wreck. The movie made me think. I really loved the characters of Charles Grey and Georgina. Charles Grey was deeply in love with Georgina. He cared about her well being most of all. He only wanted her to be with him and they live happily ever after. It was a beautiful and tragic story.
"Nahenahe" .....
Found out what my Hawaiian name is at the Dole Plantation "Halemano Plantation" off the Kamehameha Hwy in Oahu. "Nahenahe" means Rae/Rachel - deeper meaning behind it means: Sweet and Soft.
Upon staying at Scott's place the next few nights, he made a super good breakfast, in return for his hospitality, we cook him a yummy dinner and drank lots of wine over good conversation between all of us were exchanged. Then we watched a movie taking place in Barcelona. It was a good movie! The next following morning, we wake up super early and Scott made us some bomb @ss Chai Tea Latte and drove us to the bus stop to get to the airport. We then were headed to our BIGGEST ADVENTURE ever, Kauai.
We get picked up by Rebecca and Mikey at Lihue airport, Kauai. Then we went to buy camping permits at the Kauai agriculture center, so we could camp at the Kalalau trail. Then we check into a hostel and get the best private room overlooking the beach as our backyard. Then we eat chilli dogs and finish running errands for the Kalalau Trail. End up getting up before the sunrise the following morning, to head to the trail. The sunrise was so breath taking and rejuvenating.
We start the Kalalau Trail tuesday morning. For those who never heard about the Kalalau Trail, on a scale of 1-10. 1 being the easiest and 10 being the hardest. It was rated 9, as top hardest and dramatic trails in the world.
The Kalalau Trail provides the only land access to The Na Pali Coast. It is an 11 mile hike. The pali, or cliffs, provide a rugged grandeur of deep, narrow valleys ending abruptly at the sea. Waterfalls and swift flowing streams continue to cut these narrow valleys while the sea carves cliffs at their mouths. Extensive stone walled terraces can still be found on the valley bottoms where Hawaiians once lived and cultivated taro.
It was the hardest and real first hike I've ever done in my life. We didn't do the whole 11 mile hike because we didn't have enough food and water to last us another day on the trail. We made it to 6 miles. I almost couldn't make it, but kept pushing myself, thinking of what I'll do after I'm done with the hike. I kept thinking, "I got this. I can do this. I want to see all my family and friends. And most of all, I wanted a chili dog at the very end to reward myself......so good....mmmmmm....
We make it to the 2 mile mark from Ke'e Beach to Hanakapi'ai. We couldn't swim on this beach because the waves were treacherous and is prone to killing you. But it was beautiful.
Then we make it from Hanakapi'ai to Hanakoa (4 mile mark), then less 6 mile mark, and decide to camp out wherever, because it was getting dark, and we didn't want to be hiking on cliffs at night. Our morning viewpoint was magnificent.
Met awesome people: goat hunters and a fairy girl throughout our journey. Kalalau Trail was the hardest trail ever but I'm happy I did it. It was well worth it. It was amazingly breath taking. At the end of the trail, Mikey met us at the bottom of the trail. I then convince everyone to eat chili dogs with me. And then I took a long, hot shower at the hostel and had a grand seafood dinner after wards.
The next day we went to Poipu Beach, ate at Imu Hut Cafe, and snuck into a cabin at Waimea Canyon and met up w/ Patricia & Sue, stayed there that night and took a wonderful shower in the morning. Check out Waimea Canyon and Wailua Falls before heading to the airport, on our next journey to the big island, hilo airport.
Upon staying at Scott's place the next few nights, he made a super good breakfast, in return for his hospitality, we cook him a yummy dinner and drank lots of wine over good conversation between all of us were exchanged. Then we watched a movie taking place in Barcelona. It was a good movie! The next following morning, we wake up super early and Scott made us some bomb @ss Chai Tea Latte and drove us to the bus stop to get to the airport. We then were headed to our BIGGEST ADVENTURE ever, Kauai.
We get picked up by Rebecca and Mikey at Lihue airport, Kauai. Then we went to buy camping permits at the Kauai agriculture center, so we could camp at the Kalalau trail. Then we check into a hostel and get the best private room overlooking the beach as our backyard. Then we eat chilli dogs and finish running errands for the Kalalau Trail. End up getting up before the sunrise the following morning, to head to the trail. The sunrise was so breath taking and rejuvenating.
We start the Kalalau Trail tuesday morning. For those who never heard about the Kalalau Trail, on a scale of 1-10. 1 being the easiest and 10 being the hardest. It was rated 9, as top hardest and dramatic trails in the world.
The Kalalau Trail provides the only land access to The Na Pali Coast. It is an 11 mile hike. The pali, or cliffs, provide a rugged grandeur of deep, narrow valleys ending abruptly at the sea. Waterfalls and swift flowing streams continue to cut these narrow valleys while the sea carves cliffs at their mouths. Extensive stone walled terraces can still be found on the valley bottoms where Hawaiians once lived and cultivated taro.
It was the hardest and real first hike I've ever done in my life. We didn't do the whole 11 mile hike because we didn't have enough food and water to last us another day on the trail. We made it to 6 miles. I almost couldn't make it, but kept pushing myself, thinking of what I'll do after I'm done with the hike. I kept thinking, "I got this. I can do this. I want to see all my family and friends. And most of all, I wanted a chili dog at the very end to reward myself......so good....mmmmmm....
We make it to the 2 mile mark from Ke'e Beach to Hanakapi'ai. We couldn't swim on this beach because the waves were treacherous and is prone to killing you. But it was beautiful.
Then we make it from Hanakapi'ai to Hanakoa (4 mile mark), then less 6 mile mark, and decide to camp out wherever, because it was getting dark, and we didn't want to be hiking on cliffs at night. Our morning viewpoint was magnificent.
Met awesome people: goat hunters and a fairy girl throughout our journey. Kalalau Trail was the hardest trail ever but I'm happy I did it. It was well worth it. It was amazingly breath taking. At the end of the trail, Mikey met us at the bottom of the trail. I then convince everyone to eat chili dogs with me. And then I took a long, hot shower at the hostel and had a grand seafood dinner after wards.
The next day we went to Poipu Beach, ate at Imu Hut Cafe, and snuck into a cabin at Waimea Canyon and met up w/ Patricia & Sue, stayed there that night and took a wonderful shower in the morning. Check out Waimea Canyon and Wailua Falls before heading to the airport, on our next journey to the big island, hilo airport.
Start of 2009
Upon arriving in Honolulu, Jeremy picks us up from the airport. His place isn't as clean as I was hoping it would be, but it can do for a bit. That night Nikki and I encountered cockroaches and were super afraid. We kept screaming and jumping frantically on the mattress we were sleeping on with Bob Marley playing on our ipod system in the background.
Amazing feeling being on this island and overwhelmed with the grand weather and nature. I feel so blessed to be here.
Then, luckily the next night, we ended up with Scott and Daniel. Scott is by far the most generous person we've come across on Oahu. We ended up getting drinks at a local bar with the guys. Then we go back to their house and it's clean, neat, and comfortable. I took a short hot shower. It felt so good. We slept in Scott's room while he slept in his sister's room and Daniel took the couch. Scott lives in Ewa Beach. Cool place, far from the city. The next two days we take out Scott's truck and took a drive around the whole island of Oahu.
We ended up visiting the Dole Plantation, a historical town called Hale'iwa, Ali'i Beach Park, Emukai Beach Park, Waimea, Polynesian Cultural Center [closed the day we went], Pounders Beach, Waikiki, Oahu north shore.
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