In the World of Crowbonehuyana.........

art. photography. inspiration. handmade crafting.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

realization....reflecting....leaving for GUATZ tonight.....

During the past months I realized more about myself. Things I should improve on/work on. I realize that sometimes I may say the wrong things without even thinking. Being so impulsive, not realizing it could be hurtful to those I truly care about. And I know I may make mistakes and it's okay. But at least a lesson is learned, and I can move past it.

Also, I've been so used to having my own space, that it's hard for to share my space sometimes. I've learned to open up more and feel okay to have others in my space. Especially to those I care about and love. I really truly value my space, so I don't end up losing myself. I get so caught up in the heat of the moments of my life, that I forget to take time for myself. I felt like in the past months, I've stopped taking time for myself. I've stopped taking the time to just think by myself in the morning and contemplating on my being. I forgot to center myself and having balance. So now, I've realized I need to get back to my center. I need to do art again to balance my soul. Perhaps the satisfaction I get from making art is the feeling that when you first look at an amazing art piece, it simply takes your breath away. I've realized I need to improve myself in this aspect in my art, that I have something very important to express but I lack the skills or courage to express it. Something I need to work on when I get back from Guatemala. I need to be working night and day on my art ideas. I need to get back to it. It's been way too long till I've actually made a piece since my series of ceramic placentas.

I've become unbalanced within the past months. I need to chill out and get back to my center. I need to balance dreaming with being practical. I need to really be productive in the next coming months. I'm 26 years old and don't need to be playing around. I need to get back to balance having fun and work. I can't be fooling around, this is my life. I've got to really start working again, getting back to the groove of things. I need to find a way to make money and fast.

Leaving for Guatemala first thing in the morning. Have to be in the airport at 10pm tonight. This trip will be a good eye opener. It'll help me refresh my spirits. It'll help me gain my inspiration back. It will be a good trip. I just have to really budget hardcore. And it's okay, I'm ready to be practical. I need to grow up. I need to think smart about what I do. I need to be responsible. And it's okay. It's all a lesson. Life is a lesson.

"I am receptive to the idea that....the purpose of living is to honor life." Life is not about doing it right. Life is the calling forth of your soul with honesty, in order for you to live by principles that honor yourself for the purpose of doing good. Integrity, The good in you coming out of you as a statement of who you know yourself to be. Integrity. The commitment to acting on what your heart feels and knowing your heart feels good about who you are and what you do in every situation. Integrity. The willingness to be diligent in giving your best, first to yourself and then to everyone else, knowing that every moment of contact with another being is a gift from the universe. Integrity. Yearning to know the truth. Seeking the truth. Acting in truth for the sake of honoring truth for the good of everyone, including yourself. Integrity. Accepting all that is and choosing to live by all that honors you and others, without condemning the other parts. Integrity, not right or wrong.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

too picky for love?

If anyone wants to comment on anything, I changed settings so that anyone can comment. So tell me what you think? I'm open to hear how you all feel about anything being written on this blog. Thanks for reading.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Have no fear for the Universe provides!

Inspiration is slithering back into my life.

This is the first day I actually feel it in me, to actually get myself together and finish something again. Every morning, I've been listening to "The Power of Now" audio book and Spanish music. It's so amazing, as well as very evocative, just what I need. It really sets the mood for my days. I'm really blessed to experience this great feeling almost everyday.

I realize that I may be blocking myself from receiving more than I am holding on to.
As long as you are holding on to what you have, your path of possibilities is blocked. The holding can be mental, emotional, or physical. In any case, it is a sign of fear. If you are afraid to lose what you have, it means your consciousness is grounded in lack. Somewhere in the back of your mind, there is a belief that there is not enough to go around. There may also be a belief that when it comes around, you will not be on the receiving end.
Holding on is not the same as taking care of what you value or protecting that which is yours. Holding on is what most people do when they are afraid they don't deserve more. Holding on is what we do when we settle for less than what we want. Holding on is what we do instead of asking for what we want and then taking responsibility for creating it. When you really believe that you are worthy of the best, that you deserve the best and that there is enough of the best for you to have plenty, there will be no need for you to grab or clutch or squeeze what you have. You won't worry about what you have. You will not watch over what you have. You will no longer live in fear that by losing what you have, your life will somehow be diminished. When you can stop holding on, you begin to realizing that your blessings cannot be taken away, nor will they go away until the Universe is ready to increase what is at stake.
Until today, you may have been holding on to things and people in fear that they could not or would not be replaced in your life. Allow yourself to imagine what your life would be like if your hands and heart were to receive something better than what you are holding on to right now.
"Today I am devoted to opening my hands, my heart, and my life to receive bigger blessings."

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

confia en el universo!

I've been concentrating on living in the NOW.
"Are you always trying to get somewhere than where you are right now?"

Most of us are never content to where we might be in life at the moment. But if we all just relax and just let life happen, we wouldn't feel so anxious to get to the next moment in life. We can learn to relax and live. And know that everything has it's time. Everything has it's beginning, middle, and end. It's all timing and circumstances.

I know that all that I've become depends on what life experiences I've already had, what phase of life I am in, what my goals are, and what aspects of my personality needs to be developed and strengthened. "You are just getting started, so have patience with yourself and the process, and do not give up."

Recently, I've learned to open up more than I'm used to. All this time, Unconsciously, keeping feelings and emotions to myself. Realizing in the end, that sometimes it's okay to open up. Very few of us understand how to handle our emotions in a natural, healthy way. We live in a culture that is terrified of feeling too much. We have all learned many ways to deny, repress, manipulate, or try to change our emotions. We get stuck holding onto certain emotional patterns because they feel familiar and safe. What we don't know how to do is simply accept them to flow through us in their own natural rythms. I am learning to accept all sides of myself.

"Don't be too hard on yourself. Everything is a growth process."

I realize I've done all I can do, and I cannot regret what I did not do! Realize that I cannot make my life move faster than it is moving. No matter how urgent my situation may seem to be, things are going to happen when they happen, not a minute sooner. Patience is a choice. Patience is the emotional skill of knowing that what you expect, intend and desire will happen exactly when it needs to happen. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with others. Be patient with life. The process of life is ever unfolding, guiding you, pushing you, preparing you for the next part of the process. Life often takes a twist, or makes a turn that is frightening or confusing. Difficult challenges, bad days, upset feelings, moments of confusion are part of life's process. Perhaps these things are there to keep us alert, to make us stronger, or to test our resolve to keep moving forward. Perhaps they are not a sign that we are wrong, that we are failing or that our life is about to fall apart. The only way we can know for sure is to be willing to walk through every part of the process. The good and the not so good. The easy part and the hard parts. Perhaps if we stopped trying to figure out the process, the process would proceed exactly as it should.

Also I am receptive to the idea...sometimes people do things that have nothing to do with what I have done.
When someone you care about with no reason or explanation, suddenly stopped speaking to you, what would you do? Most of us would probably search for a reason. We would search our most recent words, trying to find the reason why someone, particularly this someone, would turn their back. When the search turned up nothing, we would make the next most obvious leap. We would ask ourselves, "What did I do wrong?" It is at the precise moment that we ask ourselves that question that we are going to get ourselves into trouble.
People have a right to do what they want to do, when they want to do it, in any manner they choose to do it. You don't have to like it, and sometimes it is very hurtful. It doesn't mean however, that you did anything wrong. People see the same things in different ways. Certain people may process information in a different way than you do. They may feel different than you do about certain things. And even when you think you know a person, they may surprise you!
Each time you make yourself wrong for the way someone treats you, you diminish your sense of self. At times, you can be so willing to be wrong about what has happened that you make yourself wrong for simply being who you are. At some point in life, you may simply be faced with the painful reality that, for whatever reason, someone has chosen to move you out of their life. Accept that as their choice. While you may feel hurt and bewildered, it doesn't mean you have done anything wrong.