Sunday, May 31, 2009
realization....reflecting....leaving for GUATZ tonight.....
During the past months I realized more about myself. Things I should improve on/work on. I realize that sometimes I may say the wrong things without even thinking. Being so impulsive, not realizing it could be hurtful to those I truly care about. And I know I may make mistakes and it's okay. But at least a lesson is learned, and I can move past it.
Also, I've been so used to having my own space, that it's hard for to share my space sometimes. I've learned to open up more and feel okay to have others in my space. Especially to those I care about and love. I really truly value my space, so I don't end up losing myself. I get so caught up in the heat of the moments of my life, that I forget to take time for myself. I felt like in the past months, I've stopped taking time for myself. I've stopped taking the time to just think by myself in the morning and contemplating on my being. I forgot to center myself and having balance. So now, I've realized I need to get back to my center. I need to do art again to balance my soul. Perhaps the satisfaction I get from making art is the feeling that when you first look at an amazing art piece, it simply takes your breath away. I've realized I need to improve myself in this aspect in my art, that I have something very important to express but I lack the skills or courage to express it. Something I need to work on when I get back from Guatemala. I need to be working night and day on my art ideas. I need to get back to it. It's been way too long till I've actually made a piece since my series of ceramic placentas.
I've become unbalanced within the past months. I need to chill out and get back to my center. I need to balance dreaming with being practical. I need to really be productive in the next coming months. I'm 26 years old and don't need to be playing around. I need to get back to balance having fun and work. I can't be fooling around, this is my life. I've got to really start working again, getting back to the groove of things. I need to find a way to make money and fast.
Leaving for Guatemala first thing in the morning. Have to be in the airport at 10pm tonight. This trip will be a good eye opener. It'll help me refresh my spirits. It'll help me gain my inspiration back. It will be a good trip. I just have to really budget hardcore. And it's okay, I'm ready to be practical. I need to grow up. I need to think smart about what I do. I need to be responsible. And it's okay. It's all a lesson. Life is a lesson.
"I am receptive to the idea that....the purpose of living is to honor life." Life is not about doing it right. Life is the calling forth of your soul with honesty, in order for you to live by principles that honor yourself for the purpose of doing good. Integrity, The good in you coming out of you as a statement of who you know yourself to be. Integrity. The commitment to acting on what your heart feels and knowing your heart feels good about who you are and what you do in every situation. Integrity. The willingness to be diligent in giving your best, first to yourself and then to everyone else, knowing that every moment of contact with another being is a gift from the universe. Integrity. Yearning to know the truth. Seeking the truth. Acting in truth for the sake of honoring truth for the good of everyone, including yourself. Integrity. Accepting all that is and choosing to live by all that honors you and others, without condemning the other parts. Integrity, not right or wrong.